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Knowing Jama

Every Father’s Daughter: My Dad, My Coach

When I was nine, my parents gave me an autograph book for Christmas. Throughout the holiday I pestered family and friends by collecting signatures and messages. I was delighted with that pink book with “Autographs” in fancy writing across the cover. The first page had lines for my name and my “favorites.” For “Favorite Book” was the difficult choice of Nancy Drew and the Secret of the Old Clock or Nancy Drew and the Haunted Mansion. But it was not a difficult choice for “Favorite Athlete.” No contest – I proudly wrote “my Daddy” in my best cursive.

I nearly swaggered with pride because of my Dad. My Dad had the best job of any dad I knew. Most friends were mysterious about what their dads did; they just came and went in suits and ties. My Dad, however, was a college football coach – that was worth bragging about. Kathy Williams’ dad was a close second because he managed the university auditorium and got to meet famous entertainers like Danny Kaye and The Temptations. And I have to admit I was a bit jealous when Kathy got to go backstage and meet Red Skelton. But, come on, what can really compare to coaching big college football players?

I mean, my Dad got to wear (and use!) a whistle when he worked! And he could yell and not even get in trouble. People called him “Coach,” an honorable title.

One of the best memories about his job was when he invited some of his players to our house on Friday nights for spaghetti dinner. Mom had to retrieve from the basement the biggest pot she had – the one she used for canning tomatoes – so she could cook all the spaghetti. Now, I’d been to plenty of gatherings and both the Kehoe and Drake families had healthy eaters among them, but I had never seen men pack away the volume of food as those football players did. It was amazing to watch.

Getting to sit beside one of the players – Dad usually invited two or three at a time – was the highlight of the meal for us four kids. If we were really lucky one of us got to sit between two of them. Dad even let us call them by their first names (instead of “Mister”), and I would oh so casually mention to my friends that “Mark,” “George,” or “Chuck” had come for dinner over the weekend. Some of them even signed my prized autograph book. I was envied.

A coach’s kid often saw life a bit differently. For example, Xs and Os didn’t mean kisses and hugs; they meant defense and offense. Sunday afternoons didn’t mean reruns of Charlie Chan movies; they meant six straight hours of football. For a long time I never knew there was any other programming than football on Sunday. I didn’t go visit historical battlefields or mansions; I went to football fields and high school gymnasiums. I actually saw my dad run backwards as he refereed high school basketball games. I knew of no other dad who could accomplish such a feat.

Dad was, and forever will be, my favorite athlete, my teacher and coach, my Sahib Guru, my champion.

He taught me to punt, pass and kick a football, to throw a spiral and screen pass, to run the sideline and cut in for a long TD, to receive a handoff and sprint for quick yardage, and not to cry when I was tackled.

He taught me to stand in the batter’s box and not be afraid of a fastball, to keep my eyes on the ball and hit a line drive, to wind up and throw a strike, to keep my glove down on ground balls.

He taught me to swing a golf club off the tee, the iron shot, the chip shot, the bunker shot, and the proper putting stance, how to find my ball in the rough and retrieve it from the water.

He taught me how to run faster, how to dribble a basketball, shoot a lay-up and free throw.

He taught me how to hit, serve and pass a volleyball. He taught me to bowl. He even knew a thing or two about wrestling and gymnastics.

He taught me the serve and lob shot in tennis, how to hit a shuttlecock in badminton, how to pole vault and jump a hurdle.

He taught me all the strokes in swimming, even the “pick an apple and put it in the basket” technique of the sidestroke. He taught me to dive from the low board and the high board.

About the only sporting activities he didn’t teach me involved snow and ice. I don’t think I ever saw Dad in ice skates. Mom was the one who took us to the Duck Pond when it froze; she could even skate backwards.

Although Dad taught me the rules and play of so many sports, more important to him than how I played was the way I played – always trying, always persevering, always with respect and sportsmanship, always with dignity whether we won or lost. Often knowing I could improve, but always proud of my effort, he didn’t embarrass or belittle or discourage; rather he was a motivator and encourager.

He reminded me that sports are games, they’re supposed to be fun. And by not losing sight of these facts and remembering to play fair and with sportsmanship, I carried the respect and appreciation of other people into every other aspect of life. He never emphasized winning “at any cost” but that winning was just one of several goals he’d like his kids to achieve. He took pride in our accomplishments and in improving our skills, so that we kids saw ourselves as winners, even if the scoreboard didn’t show the numbers going in our favor. Sports gave us new skills, new friends, and attitudes that helped us all through life.

Being a coach’s kid was a great childhood. Being Fred Kehoe’s kid was even better . . . and it will always be the best.

(Originally published on blog Every Father’s Daughter, May 2016)

For my mother who gave me Jesus

There was once a little girl who had bad dreams. She would wake up crying and fearful. Sometimes she would tumble out of bed. One time she woke up sobbing; the night was so dark and she was so cold. Lost and finding no blanket, she raised up and hit her head. Where was she? While still asleep, she had fallen and had rolled underneath her bed! At her cries, her mother rushed into the room. Startled to find no child among the tussled covers, she called out, “Where are you?”

“I don’t know,” the little girl’s voice was small. “I can’t get out!”

But mothers have a way of finding their children, even in the dark. She knelt and peered under the bed, and there was her little girl in company with little dust bunnies.

About the best place a frightened child can be is in a mother’s embrace. The little girl hugged her mother tightly and the night wasn’t so dark. The mother tucked the calmed child under the covers, snuggled beside her, and gently rocked her baby until sleep came.

In the morning light, the mother asked, “What shall we do about these bad dreams?”

“I could sleep in your bed,” the little girl suggested.

In her mother’s heart she understood the mystery of holding her children and yet letting them go. She told the little girl, “I have a better idea.”

She opened a book and took out a small picture of a man with long wavy hair and kind eyes. “I can’t always be with you, but here is someone who can. See his face? See the love there? That’s love for you. His name is Jesus, and he will chase away your bad dreams.”

That night the mother placed the picture of the Son of God under the little girl’s pillow. “He’s right there,” she said, patting the place where her daughter laid her head. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

Night after night the little girl slept soundly, no sobbing, no tumbling from bed, no bad dreams. The last thing she did before closing her eyes was to look on Jesus’ face then tuck him under her pillow.

Then one night a dream full of panic swooped upon the little girl, who woke up shaking and crying. “Come, Mom, come!” she called out. “Come quick!”

The mother came to her daughter’s side, stroked her face and wiped her tears. When the little girl was comforted, the mother asked, “Where’s your picture of Jesus?”

The little girl opened her cupped hands to reveal the crumpled and limp portrait. “It doesn’t work anymore. He’s all worn out.”

From that time on as the little girl grew, her mother taught her that Jesus doesn’t get worn out or used up. “He is not just a picture. He’s always there right there with you,” she lightly touched the little girl’s heart. “He covers the bad with his love. He is our calm and peace. We shall not be afraid.”

As a child, the little girl’s first thought during those dark, scary times was always “Mom!” But then her mother gave her child that bigger truth. And much later in the girl’s life during a time of great darkness and fear, her first thought became “Jesus!”

— Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you. – Your little girl, Jama

Happy promises of God

Today I am 65. “It’s just a number,” I’ve been told. And I’m grateful for that number. I’m grateful that God loves me, that He has saved me (so many times; most recently in December 2020), that He has redeemed me, strengthened me, comforted me, healed me, guided me, sustained me, encouraged me, corrected me, protected me, held me.

To celebrate, I was going to post 1,956 scriptures my birth year, but that would be a REALLY long post (and I could just say, “Go read the Bible”). When I turned 60, I wrote words about “what I know for sure.” Now, I want to give you God’s words, 65 verses that have touched my life. Most are in my favorite King James Version as that was what I memorized, what I’ve loved since childhood. So, grab your Bible, grab your highlighter, grab your promise. Let God touch you, too.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

  1. For with God nothing shall be impossible. ~ Luke 1:37
  2. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. ~ Hebrews 11:1
  3. For the joy of the LORD is your strength. ~ Nehemiah 8:10
  4. For he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. ~ Hebrews 13:5
  5. But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31
  6. He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? ~ Micah 6:8
  7. I will say of the LORD , He is my refuge and my fortress: My God; in him will I trust. ~ Psalm 91:2
  8. Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. ~ Isaiah 41:10
  9. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ~ John 3:16
  10. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~ Philippians 4:13
  11. For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. ~ Isaiah 55:12
  12. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~ Philippians 4:8
  13. Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. ~ Romans 15:13
  14. Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. ~ Philippians 1:6
  15. Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. ~ Isaiah 41:10
  16. Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,  who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. ~ Psalms 103:2-4
  17. That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:17-19
  18. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. ~ Isaiah 40:29
  19. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. ~ Colossians 4:6
  20. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. ~ Galatians 5:22-23
  21. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. ~ Ephesians 2:10
  22. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised). ~ Hebrews 10:23
  23. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. ~ Isaiah 49:16
  24. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. ~ Matthew 6:21, 33
  25. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work. ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8
  26. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. ~ Galatians 6:9
  27. Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. ~ Jeremiah 17:7
  28. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:38-39
  29. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. ~ Psalms 23:1
  30. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:  for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. ~ Matthew 7:7-8
  31. A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. ~ John 13:34
  32. Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. ~ Ephesians 6:10
  33. For I am the LORD that healeth thee. ~ Exodus 15:26
  34. But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:19
  35. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall direct thy paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
  36. For we walk by faith, not by sight. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7
  37. The Lordmake his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee. ~ Numbers 6:25
  38. Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7
  39. The Lordthy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. ~ Zephaniah 3:17
  40. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ~ John 14:6
  41. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. ~ John 15:9
  42. He alone is your God, the only one who is worthy of your praise, the one who has done these mighty miracles that you have seen with your own eyes. ~ Deuteronomy 10:21
  43. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13
  44. Pray without ceasing. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:17
  45. I will say of the LORD He is my refuge and my fortress: My God; in him will I trust. ~ Psalm 91:2
  46. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
  47. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. ~ Psalm 55:22
  48. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. ~ Philippians 4:6
  49. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:32
  50. Wait for the Lord’s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord’s help. ~ Psalm 27:14
  51. For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:20
  52. Do everything in love. ~ 1 Corinthians 16:14
  53. Therefore I say to you, whatever you pray and ask for, believe that you will receive it, and it will be so for you. ~ Mark 11:24
  54. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. ~ Philippians 2:13
  55. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7
  56. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6
  57. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~ Psalm 147:3
  58. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ~ John 15:7
  59. Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. ~ Psalm 55:22
  60. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ~ Hebrews 10:23
  61. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10
  62. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. ~ Proverbs 16:3
  63. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. ~ Ephesians 2:10
  64. Delight thyself also in the LORD; And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Psalm 37:4
  65. Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. ~ Revelation 3:20

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” ~ Isaiah 55:10-11

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take in the Good

I was having a rough go of it not too long ago. A rough go of life. Things I wanted to happen, didn’t. Things I wanted to say, couldn’t. Things I had worked at, failed. No need for details. We’ve all been there. It happens to all of us, doesn’t it? Rough patches. And some last longer than we thought we could endure. What I had to keep reminding myself, however, was to take in the good, take in the blessing, take in the positive that can always be found in the rough patches.

Count Our Blessings

It’s easy to get caught up in the rough/disappointing/unhappy/bad stuff that happens to us and that’s EVERYWHERE around us these days. So depressing! So much negativity. So much turmoil. So much grief. However, if we focus only on all the heartache, the weight of it all will surely crush us. Rather, instead of examining all the things that are going wrong, that are distressing, why not think about all the things are going right? Counting our blessings. Because we all have something to be thankful for. Loss can open the heart, regret can bring restoration, anxiety can alert us to threats, and anger can spotlight wrongs to be righted.

Take in the good; take in the blessings.

Why it’s good to take in the good

Neuropsychologist Dr. Rick Hanson says that “Given the negativity bias of the brain, it takes an active effort to internalize positive experiences and heal negative ones. When you tilt toward what’s positive, you’re actually righting a neurological imbalance.”  And, happily, guess what? This builds stronger immune and cardiovascular systems, as well as increasing optimism, resilience, and resourcefulness.

Focusing on what’s good, what’s wholesome, and then taking in that good naturally, increases the positive emotions flowing through our minds each day. Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson, a leading scholar in the study of emotion and positive psychology, has shown that positive emotions don’t just feel good in the moment, but have long-term benefits. They lift our moods; they increase optimism, resilience, and resourcefulness; and they help counteract the effects of painful experiences, including trauma. It’s a positive cycle: Good feelings today increase the likelihood of good feelings tomorrow.

Taking in the good is not about putting a happy shiny, Pollyanna face on everything. It’s about turning away from the hard things in life. It’s about nourishing our hearts, our inner well-being, nurturing our contentment and peace—shelters during hard times where we can always return.

Take in the good; take in the positive.

Some things I know for sure

1) We don’t always choose our circumstances. But we always choose how we are in those circumstances. It isn’t as much about our circumstances as what we do with them.

2) We see what we expect to see. Look for good, and you will find good. Begin to see the good, to develop a posture of looking and of finding the positive, and you will find joy, you will find blessings. And we may come to realize that the most loved are often the small moments. If we keep our eyes open, we’ll discover that the good is all around us.

Continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected. ~ Philippians 4:8

 

Today I am 60. This is what I know for sure.

Today I am 60. No, wait. [TIME OUT.] Isn’t my mom 60. Aren’t I 40? No, wait. [TIME OUT.] Let’s do the math. I was born April 30, 1956. So…..

Egads. I AM 60!

True story:

One day I’m wondering what to read for my 6th grade book report and the next day waking up and I’m 60. How did this happen?!

True Story:

Young girl. Tomboy. Christian. Gymnast. Cheerleader. Accident. Quadriplegia. God is Faithful. Jesus. Small steps. Family. College. BA. MA. Writing. Teaching. God is Faithful. Love. Marriage. Babies. God is Faithful. Mothering. Business owner. God is Faithful. Grandchildren. Joy. God is Faithful. (Some pain tears fears and stuff. Jesus always. God is Faithful. Always.)

And more of my true story…

What I know for sure after six decades:

I am grateful. For my God. And for the unconditional love and support from my Mom and Dad, my brothers and sister, husband, children, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, and my friends. All my life, I have been cared for, encouraged, sustained, strengthened, sheltered, forgiven. Sixty years of gratitude.

What I know for sure after six decades:

God is faithful. In all the adventures. In all my mileage. During the happy, the scary, the joyous, the heartbreak. During the body slams, soul slams, and heart slams. When the wind was knocked out of me by unexpectedness and sometimes terrifying scenarios. When I fully understood that every day I lived and walked by faith, when I began to focus on living with gratitude, when I knew I am always His, always held by Him, always desiring to serve Him. Which doesn’t suggest that life is always gentle, or that moving on, or even getting up and out of bed is always easy. But it does promise that when times are tough, I shall always shift my focus to remembering His faithfulness.

What I know for sure after six decades:

When life isn’t going as planned, God brings me fierce grace. I will never find a bundle of affliction that does not have in it somewhere sufficient grace. When circumstances haven’t turned out as I’d hoped or prayed, I know that God is always there with grace, caring for me, and loving me. My circumstances don’t determine my peace. Although disappointments take something from me; they can leave something too: a gift, an opportunity, the possibility of creating change. His grace pours out and covers me. And there is nothing He cannot redeem.

What I know for sure after six decades:

My heart is to love like Jesus. Every. Day. The best way to improve my life, my relationships with others is to act like Him. How can I love others as Jesus loves me and participate in the kingdom work to which I’m called? By loving others when it’s hard, when it costs me something, when it’s not convenient. By choosing to be loving even when I feel wronged, misunderstood and rejected. By pouring out His love that offers patience. Love that extends kindness. Love that responds with gentleness.

What I know for sure after six decades:

I know about finding a Happy Day Moment. Finding one small thing, one small blessing. Then finding another small thing and then another. It’s a pathway to living with gratitude, and to seeing God in every moment. Every day I can choose to give thanks for something. For family and friends I love and who love me. For the world around me and the blessings I have. Being happy doesn’t mean I have everything; it means I’m thankful and appreciate what I have. Gratitude brings solace and perspective and more smiles than frowns, more laughter than tears.

The best stuff I know for sure after six decades:

It’s all about loving and gratefulness, giving grace and forgiveness. About doing all that I can do and then leaving everything up to God. The best stuff I know is that God is in control, and that with God nothing is impossible, and that Jesus loves me this I know.

I know about waiting and going slow and being patient and having faith and obeying God and believing and trusting and staying strong and living with gratitude.

I know that kindness matters. In all things. I know I can’t respond to unkindness with more unkindness.

I know my heart, my soul is nourished when I’m kind; it splinters if I’m cruel.

I know about love about compassion about sacrifice about healing about friendliness about mercy about generosity about tolerance about understanding about listening about encouraging.

I know about getting older and wiser and learning from mistakes.

I know about good and sad and happy and hard.

But it’s not always about what I know. It’s also about what I say and do.

I know about being brave.  That I should say what I need to say.  That when I don’t speak up, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said.

It’s good to believe in myself during the hard stuff, but it’s better to believe in God during the hard stuff.

I know that I will never regret the chances I took, the love I gave out, and the gifts I shared.

So…

My odometer has rolled to that new 0 number. There have been miles and miles of ups and downs, straight roads and treacherous, detours and scenery, lost ways, stops and some speeding, getting stuck, moving backward, pushing forward. May the accelerating continue….

What I want for sure for my next decades:

I want to live with the juicy fruits of the spirit hanging from all my branches: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I want to live by the words in John 13: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I want to be known by His love.

I want to show more love, kindness, grace, mercy.

I want to be more forgiving, courageous, brave.

I want to be less awful.

I want to live my life like everything is a miracle.